When Life Felt Like Too Much: Learning to Keep Going
There are seasons of life that you can explain neatly, and then there are seasons that leave you staring at the ceiling wondering how you got here.
The last couple of months have been one of those seasons for me.
From the outside, it might not look like much. Life kept moving. School kept coming. Work still needed to be done. People still expected me to show up, smile, answer messages, make decisions, and keep going.
But internally, I have been carrying a lot.
I have been trying to figure out school, my future, my responsibilities, my relationships, my faith, and honestly, myself. There have been moments when I felt like I was finally getting my footing, only to have something else knock me off balance.
Some days I felt exhausted before the day even started.
There were things I had to let go of, including people I cared about. I had to learn that loving someone does not always mean continuing to give them access to me. I had to create boundaries that hurt to create. I had to resist the urge to go back simply because something was familiar.
And that has been one of the hardest lessons for me.
Sometimes you can miss someone and still know that you cannot go back.
Sometimes you can love someone and still choose yourself.
Sometimes closing a door does not mean you stopped caring. It means you finally realized that staying in the doorway was keeping you from walking forward.
Confronting What I Was Using for Comfort
Part of this season involved confronting sexual immorality, unhealthy attachments, and the ways I was looking for comfort in people instead of God.
That is not necessarily an easy thing for me to admit publicly.
There were moments when I knew that certain choices, relationships, and attachments were not helping me become the person I wanted to be in Christ. I knew there were places where I had compromised boundaries, and I had to be honest with myself about why.
Sometimes I was looking for affection.
Sometimes I was looking for validation.
Sometimes I was looking for someone to make me feel wanted, safe, or less alone.
But people cannot carry the weight that only God was meant to carry.
I had to learn that temporary comfort can sometimes leave you with deeper wounds afterward. I had to stop asking people to fill spaces in me that were never meant to be filled by another person.
That realization hurt.
But it also became a turning point.
I am learning that repentance is not simply feeling bad about what I did. It is turning around. It is choosing differently. It is allowing God to change the parts of me that I cannot change by myself.
And I am learning that my mistakes do not have to become my identity.
When My Faith Felt Weak
My faith has also been tested in ways I did not expect.
I have had moments where I questioned myself, questioned where I stood with God, and wondered whether I was doing enough. There were moments when I felt distant from the person I wanted to be spiritually.
But I am learning that faith is not always going to feel strong.
Sometimes faith looks like praying when you do not have the words.
Sometimes it looks like admitting, “Lord, I don't want to do this.”
Sometimes it looks like getting out of bed and trying again.
And sometimes it looks like sitting quietly and letting God meet you exactly where you are.
The Bible reminds us to wait patiently for the Lord and remain courageous while we wait (Psalm 27:14, NLT). That has been something I have needed to hear repeatedly.
Wait on God.
Not because waiting is easy, but because His timing does not become less trustworthy simply because I am impatient.
I have also had to remind myself that God has not forgotten the plans He has for me. Jeremiah 29:11 reminds us that His plans are for our welfare and a future filled with hope.
I may not understand what He is doing right now, but I do not need the entire blueprint to trust the Architect.
Learning to Be Strong and Courageous
There have been moments when I have felt completely overwhelmed.
School.
Work.
Relationships.
My future.
My emotions.
My faith.
My own mistakes.
It has all felt like a lot to carry at once.
But Joshua 1:9 tells us to be strong and courageous because the Lord is with us wherever we go.
That verse hits differently when you are walking through something you did not choose.
Being strong does not mean I never cry.
It does not mean I never get tired.
It does not mean I always know what I am doing.
Sometimes being strong means admitting that I need help.
And that brings me to another lesson I have been learning: I was never meant to carry everything alone.
Galatians 6:2 tells believers to carry one another's burdens and, in doing so, fulfill the law of Christ.
I have spent a lot of time thinking I needed to handle everything myself.
But sometimes God answers a prayer by sending a person.
Sometimes He gives you a friend who listens.
Sometimes He gives you someone who reminds you of the truth when your emotions are screaming something else.
Sometimes carrying each other's burdens is part of how God carries us.
When I Just Wanted to Rest
There have been days when I wanted to run away from everything.
Days when I wanted to be back in my own little space with nothing expected of me.
Days when I wished life would pause long enough for me to catch my breath.
But life did not pause.
So I had to learn how to breathe while it kept moving.
And that is where Matthew 11:28 has become especially meaningful to me. Jesus invites those who are weary and carrying heavy burdens to come to Him, promising rest.
Not another person.
Not another relationship.
Not another distraction.
Him.
I am learning that rest does not always mean circumstances becoming easier. Sometimes rest means knowing that I do not have to carry everything by myself.
I Am Still Becoming
I have also had to confront parts of myself that I would rather avoid.
My emotions.
My past.
My choices.
My patterns.
The things I tolerate.
The things I run back to when I am lonely.
Growth has not been particularly glamorous.
It has looked more like crying, overthinking, setting boundaries, second-guessing those boundaries, praying about them, and then setting them again.
But somewhere in all of that, I started realizing something.
I am changing.
Not perfectly. Not overnight. Not in some dramatic movie montage where everything suddenly makes sense.
But I am changing.
I am learning to protect my peace.
I am learning that I do not have to chase people who are willing to walk away from me.
I am learning that my future deserves more attention than my past.
I am learning that being alone is not the same thing as being abandoned.
I am learning that I can acknowledge my mistakes without allowing shame to convince me that I am beyond redemption.
And I am learning that becoming the woman I want to be will require me to release some versions of myself that were only trying to survive.
There have been days when I wanted to give up on everything.
But I kept going.
Maybe not gracefully.
Maybe not confidently.
Maybe sometimes with tears in my eyes and a prayer that was barely more than, “God, please help me.”
But I kept going.
And maybe that is what these last few months have really been about.
Not having everything figured out.
Not suddenly becoming stronger.
Not pretending that everything is okay.
Just learning how to keep going.
I am entering a new season with a lot still unknown. School is starting. My future is still taking shape. My relationships are changing. My faith is growing in ways I am still learning to understand.
And honestly, I am still figuring out who I am.
But I think that is okay.
Maybe I do not need to have the entire map.
Maybe I just need enough courage to take the next step.
Maybe I need to wait on God instead of forcing things to happen.
Maybe I need to trust that His plans are bigger than what I can currently see.
Maybe I need to remember that I am not alone.
And maybe I need to finally accept the invitation Jesus has been giving me all along: come to Me, and rest.
So if these last few months have taught me anything, it is this:
I can be tired and still keep going.
I can be hurt and still heal.
I can miss someone and still let them go.
I can acknowledge my sin and still believe God can restore me.
I can feel lost and still be moving forward.
I can ask for help without being weak.
And I can be unfinished without being a failure.
I do not know exactly what the next season will hold.
But I know I am walking into it differently than I walked into this one.
I am walking into it knowing that God is still God when I am confused.
He is still faithful when I am struggling.
He is still present when I feel alone.
And He is still working even when I cannot see what He is doing.
This season hurt.
But maybe it was also teaching me how to surrender.
How to wait.
How to let go.
How to rest.
How to ask for help.
How to choose obedience over temporary comfort.
And most importantly, how to come back to God.
I am not at the end of my story.
I am still becoming.
And for now, that is enough.
Scriptures That Carried Me Through This Season
Psalm 27:14, NLT: Wait patiently for the Lord, and be courageous while you wait.
Jeremiah 29:11, NLT: God knows the plans He has for His people, plans that include a future and hope.
Joshua 1:9, NLT: Be strong and courageous because the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.
Galatians 6:2, NLT: Carry each other's burdens and fulfill the law of Christ.
Matthew 11:28, NLT: Jesus invites the weary and burdened to come to Him, and He promises rest.
Isaiah 40:31, NLT: Those who trust in the Lord will find new strength and rise with endurance.
I may not know exactly where God is taking me yet, but I know I do not have to walk there alone.
